shes about as inviting as chlamydia
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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