You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
