At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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