just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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