oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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