sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
