you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
