if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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