The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
