nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i drank out of a bidet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
