I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
