11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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