I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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