Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
