chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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