my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
