I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
well you can't waste a boner
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
