I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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