I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
