I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
