is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
