i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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