My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
