It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
