4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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