It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
high people should be assigned attendants
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
