Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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