Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
