Someone shit on the floor
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
