do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
