does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's shark week go big or go home
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
