just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
