Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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