Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you had me at cake vodka
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
