they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
