Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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