1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
