Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
