If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
