Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
