glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
