there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
