Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
