I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
