Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
