We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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