fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He did a backflip because drugs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
