I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
