so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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