You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
