Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
