We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
