Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
