Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
