i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
