Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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