walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
