well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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