You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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