I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's like iHOP with fire
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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