ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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